Reality Checks

There comes a time in ones life when they realize that things are not as good as they appear and that we are not indestructible nor immune to mortality.  I have always seen myself as a picture of fair health.  Not perfect, and not in great shape, but I had great pregnancies with no complications, my blood pressure is within a good range, I have no allergies, never broken a major bone, or have been hospitalized for any reason other than childbirth. I’m not anything more than a social drinker, I have never smoked or done any sort of illegal drug.   All in all I felt I was safe and that the bad things won’t happen to me.

Last year during my physical when a lump was found in one of my breasts, I was very scared.  After tests and a couple follow up appointments, it seemed that all was ok.  I did not go to my last follow up appointment and let things go.  Then here I was, 9 months later and having some  pain that did not appear normal.  This time it was in my ovary area.  I was concerned enough to make an appointment and have things checked out.  This was yesterday.   It appears that I left with more questions than I went in with.

So now, there will be more tests, some ultrasounds, and a screening mammogram since breast cancer runs in the family, my lumps and possibly some new ones are enough to warrant a more thorough exam and I possibly have PCOS or poly cystic ovary syndrome.  While PCOS isn’t a life threatening disorder, it still was something I did not count on and now I have decisions to make regarding how to manage it.  I do not like taking medications and the reality that if I want to be more comfortable then I will have to take something.  The humor in all of this is that after having 5 not-so-planned pregnancies, and putting my wonderful husband through a vasectomy, I now will probably have to go on birth control pills.

I know that whatever else comes my way I will be able to deal with it.  Yesterday was a rough day emotionally and physically and well, it was just a rough day.  But today, today was good.  We had cereal for dinner, I was able to read my children a book before bed, and I sold our little freezer.  My head is a bit clearer, still full of questions, but I know things will be fine and I will persevere.  With support from my family and friends I will be just fine.

For those of you just learning of this.. mom, dad, Jen, don’t worry, we will get answers and you will all be the first to know.  I am still trying to sort it out in my head.