Melancholy

This is the best way to describe me at this moment.  Although according to the dictionary, it sort of means depressed, and really, I don't get depressed.  So I guess somber could be fitting as well.  Today it rained, and it didn't just rain, it STORMED, big clashing booming lightning kind of storm.  This may have contributed to my mood.  I love a great storm, however I was as work so I didn't get to enjoy the relaxing effect it typically has on me.

So why am I so glum? Who knows.  I am stressed, I do not like my job, I'm still behind on school work, my four year old son has decided he doesn't love me anymore and finds time to let me know at least 10 times a day.  I keep asking myself where I went wrong with that boy.  I hope it is just a phase because regardless of his behavior, I love him to death.  My Master Naturalist class is almost at its end, this makes me sad.  I love getting out once a week to mingle with like-minded people and learn about nature as it is my first love.  To know it is coming to a close makes me sad, there is only one week left and I will miss it so much.  It feels like there is so much still to learn.  At least now I can get out there and get my volunteer hours in and use some of what I have learned.

Then there is the typical things that usually get me down, like money and finances, not having my own house.  I'm still waiting to hear from my landlord just to get permission to build my raised bed.  I do not like asking permission.  I know my mood will pass, things will look bright again, and I'm really just in a sort of blah mood.  Not depressed, not even sad, just sort of here.  But this mood is good for me, I think well in this mood, I figure things out, I make successful plans, I re-focus.  This too shall pass.