Do you ever really feel grown-up?

I often try and think back to when I was a kid and how I percieved my parents as "grown-ups".  I mean my mother was 27 when I was born.  I always thought it was nice having a "young" mom.  We did a lot of active things together and I knew a lot of people that had older parents that just weren't as involved in their kids lives.  I never really thought my parents were old, or not understanding because they came from a different time.  We played kick-ball, I listened to 50's, 60's and 70's music with my dad while he worked on cars in the garage.  I used to skate it out to Xanadu.  Anyways, I have been trying to figure out when exactly I started feeling like a grown up.

I'll admit, I don't really like the responsibilities of it all the time, and I wonder why the hell we hurried life up when we were kids always saying "I can't wait to grow up."  Now I'm singing "If I Could Turn Back Time".  Kids today are in even more of a hurry to grow up and it makes me really sad.  Doing things that I didn't even know about until I was a teenager, having cell phones, exposure to some pretty mature content on regular TV.  Hell even the news is  pretty horrible anymore.

I've caught myself really hating the decisions we have been faced with, the realities of things that are going on.  I honestly think that we have done more growing up in the last 2 years due to life experiences.  Just these last 2 weeks we were faced with some pretty hard decisions.  I will honestly say they were some of the hardest I have had to make.  It was a turning point for me and how I percieve my own maturity.  I know how I may have reacted in the past and this time it was a different outcome.  I won't lie.. I screamed, I cried, I resisted, I revisited option after option and the ending result is not my ideal situation.. BUT it is the right decision for my family.  I know this all seems a little vague, but it is a little pre-mature to discuss details but I will reveal when its all over.

My whole point is, do we ever like having to accept the responsibility of having to make decisions?  They say you are only as old as you feel.  Mentally I don't feel old, and a lot of times I don't feel like I should have to make big decisions, that they should be left up to more mature people.  Maybe because I know that in the past I have made poor decisions.  I fear of making the wrong ones and try to avoid the hard things in life.  I have learned that only makes it worse.  I feel good with the decision we came to and know it was the right one with no doubt.  It was like the moment we decided what we should do, a huge weight was lifted off of me. I want to thank my friends that have supported me as we have gone through this, I know I have driven some crazy, but I am so thankful for them being there when I need to vent.

As for all my other stuff going on.. kids are out of school for 2 days, and I wanted to take them swimming but the boys are sick, Gavin with a fever and Spencer is coughing so I imagine we will just be homebound.    I still havn't weighed.  I need to paint my toenails (maybe tomorrow?) so I can take a picture for Sara's super awesome fitness challenge :) (we have to take a pic of us on the scale each week and I think I still have polish left over from summer on).  I am totally unmotivated in the kitchen however I have an itch to get organized.  Im sure I know where that energy is coming from.  I got a cricut Expression machine super-de-duper cheap and have been trying to get my crafty on.  Uh oh.. I just said "super-de-duper"  Waaayyy too much Barney goin on up in here.  Might have to lay off the purple dino for a while. Until next time peeps.. I love you, you love me.. oh crap.. shoot me.!

I fell off the cable car

Most of you are probably thinking.. huh?  I shall explain.  First off I want to state that I am a complete believer that stress is interfering with any and all cooking skills I might have acquired recently.  I actually have no desire to cook much of anything right now.  I'm doing everything in my power to keep my sanity and somehow provide for the fam at the same time.  I haven't worked out once since rejoining the Y.  Granted its only been a week but still.  It was a looong and hectic week. Im still trying to watch my eating habits but haven't weighed in in a while.  I think Saturday will be my start day.  I MUST get motivated.

So this week, instead of falling off the wagon, it was a cable car. Since I have been opting for cheap easy meals, I put Rice-a-roni on the menu this week.  Its probably the one quick meal in a box that I actually enjoy.  I have not made it recently because the last several times I tried it turned out horrible.  How do you ruin Rice-a-roni? Is that even humanly possible? It must be, because I did it again.  Gluten and I do not get along.  Where there is gluten, it finds me and messes up all my meals. Since vermicelli is a pasta (gluten) for whatever unknown reason, instead of it being fluffy rice that were seperate entities, it was a big glob og gluteny goo.  Granted it tasted ok, but the texture was not right, it was horrible.  I really feel like a kitchen failure.

I totally feel like an unorganized mess lately.  I have heard that buying a house is one of the most stressful things you will do and I am believing it.  It is effecting me emotionally, physically, mentally.   All I want is a home for my family, and to know we are making the right decision.  I thought once we were able to buy our house that shopping for one would be fun and exciting.  However I'm finding it the opposite.  I find myself questioning things and rethinking things I thought I already had figured out.  I only want to do what is right.  House hunting is exhausting.

I really want to keep up on this blog.  I have so much material to post about, I just need to make it a priority.  I want to send a shout out to my husband.  I know I nag him all the time and sometimes I have a point and sometimes not, however, I forget to thank him when he does some pretty amazing things.  Thank you, Brent for having the dishes done most of the nights I come home after midnight, and having the laundry all switched out.  I know I have been neglecting my duties since this house stuff has consumed me.  And thank you for being a great dad to our kids.  Not too many dads take on the duties you do and have done for 10 years in sharing the parenting responsibilities while I work at night so we don't have to use childcare.  And thank you for my Valentines Lilies.  I prefer unconventional flowers to roses and you did a great job.  It was the perfect ending to a very long night.  I am pretty lucky, we make a good team.

and PS.. Mom what did I do wrong to mess up the San Fransiscan treat? I don't recall you ever making it gooey.

Cha-cha-cha changes

It seems like just when I think life is settling down a bit, it takes me by surprise and twirls me around.  It's actually like a big ol' slap in the face.  I get somewhat comfortable and POW.. things change.  The house drama is usually at the forefront of these little awakenings, and until recently I didn't think there was anything we could do about it.  Luckily the one thing that really upsets me about the house being on the market hasn't been happening all that often.  I HATE dealing with realtors.  I don't like making sure my underwear is put out of view ot my bras aren't hanging around so people can triapse through the house and take a peek.  I refuse to leave most of the time and I don't pick up every tiny toy that is laying around.  I know this would be a lot different if it were my own home, but the fact that it isn't makes me a little more bitter towards the intruders.  But, like I said, thankfully, since it has been on the market we are only averaging about one viewing a week, and that is tolerable.

We have been working towards buying our own house for a while now.  We weren't actively looking until this last foreclosure and we realized we don't want to go through it again.  One of the things I like to do in my spare time (Ha!) is look at the real estate listings... daily.  I joke that it isn't really free time and honestly think I waste too much time doing it at times.  Well this was definately disproved today.  Yesterday I stumbled on a property that both Brent and I liked.  It had a creek (NOT a canal), lots of trees, a nice covered patio, and most importantly (to me and the kids anyways) a two stall barn and some pasture.  This was at an amazing price.  Of all the properties I had looked at I had not found one like this for a price like that.  So I called our realtor to find out what we needed to do. 

First off we needed to get approved.  Second, we scheduled an appt to go look at it the following day (today).  Today while working with a mortgage lender and realizing what we can and cannot afford, we were ready to go look at this amazing bargain.  Now this house you see, was only listed for 1 day.  I managed to stumble upon it the day it was listed.  So when I looked it up prior to going there, I could not find the site.  That worried me a little but still we set out.  When we pulled up and there was a truck there and NO for sale sign, I really got worried.  Well sure enough, someone (actually several someones) were trying to snatch it up already.  Offers had already been made and it was pending.  We weren't even allowed to go look. 

This bothered me on a few levels.  One is now knowing that we aren't the only ones out there looking.  Knowing that if you find something and its a good deal, you better be ready with a letter in hand and ready to jump on it.  Also it re-affirmed the fact that I need to continue looking on a daily basis for houses and that I need to make sure all our pre-qualifying stuff was in order. 
It's OUR time to buy, I am 100% positive that we are ready we just have to find the right place.  The market couldn't be better, the houses can't get much cheaper, and we couldn't be more eager.  Maybe that house wasn't the one for us.  But It did light a fire under me to get things moving so we will be prepared when something else comes along.  This house we are in now is scheduled for auction in less than a month.  I know we still have time even after that but still, it makes me feel like the clock is ticking and we need to be proactive.  All I want is a home, a place for my kids to grow up and for us to be stable.  10 houses in 10 years is too much.. we need something concrete.