Building Traditions

The semester has rolled to an end, the snow has fallen in the foothills, and the Holiday season is in its final stages.  I managed to pass chemistry with an A.  I really struggled in that class although my grade does not reflect it.  I feel like I really earned it through a lot of hard work, long night and even tears.

This is me and Brent's 13th Christmas together, and our 12th one as parents.  You would think that it's easy to build traditions from the start but it never really seemed to work out that way. For many, many years I felt like we didn't really have our own traditions and rituals that we could call our own.  This year it felt different.  I don't know if it's because I have been home practically the whole holiday season or if its because I lost my mom this year and it has seemed important to build these memories with my family so they will stay with them forever and hopefully pass them on to their own children.

Our Christmas Tree

Growing up, my family had a lot of traditions.  I have tried incorporating them into my own family and some just seemed to work their way in by accident.  Having parents from two totally different backgrounds has made it a little more interesting also.  Brent has his own memories from Christmas and I have mine.  When we were newlyweds, his Grandma Olive would send us packages of cookies.  Her family is of Norwegian descent so the treats she would send were traditional Scandinavian cookies.

I would be lying if I said I was the best baker in the house.  Brent has earned that title through and through.  I just consider myself his little helper.  We were able to get the recipes from his grandma and we bought some of the special tools needed to make some of the cookies and his dad had a few older ones that he sent to us to use as well.  About a week before Christmas we took all the stuff out, Brent made the dough, and then we all got busy making some cookies.

The BEST baker in the house

Taylor the apprentice

It was a lot of fun and the kids seemed to enjoy it.  It is nice being able to pass some of the family heritage down to the kids.  All we can do is expose them to it and hope they carry it on in their lives.  We made three different kind of Scandinavian cookies.  The first are a family favorite called Kringlers or Kringles.  There are many variations as we learned but in the end we went with his grandma's tried and true recipe.  Next we made Almond tartlets or Sandkakes.  I really liked these.  It's what they are making in the photos above.  The final kind we made were Rosettes.  These were fun to make.  They are similar to a funnel cake where you take batter and put it in hot oil until it fries and then you sprinkle powdered sugar on top but these cookies are in pretty shapes like roses and stars.  They weren't a favorite but were interesting  to make.

Rosettes

I am sure this will be a tradition that will be carried on for many years to come.  There are many other kinds of cookies that we didn't try yet but there is always next year.  Our next adventure will be making Lefse!

Kringlers, Sandkakes, Rosettes

The new year is upon us

It's that time of year again.   The new year is closing in quickly and for once I am glad this year has come to an end.  I have no real regrets, I accomplished a few things I set out to do, and I am going into the new year with a clear plan of where I want to go in my life.  For the first time that I can think of, I know what I want to be doing and where I'd like to see myself in a year or two, I just don't know how I am going to get there just yet.

I reviewed my goals of 2012 and was thrilled to see I accomplished some of them this last year.  My final kid potty trained back in June!! I am so glad diapers are out of my house for good.  I also ran my first and second 5K, I got my garden up and going, and for the most part we have a semi-working budget.  We also were able to take a vacation even though it wasn't to the ocean.

I was doing really well with the weight loss.  I made it to about 27 pounds lost and then my mom passed away and I pretty much gave up.  I also managed to re-gain over half that weight back and totally lose focus.  My foot injury didn't help either as I was unable to do the one thing I really enjoyed.  This being said, I plan to hop back on the wagon this year and I want to do a juice detox to sort of clean all these truffles and candies out from my insides.

My blog still looks as crappy as it did last year and I didn't post as much as I wanted to.  I need to learn my way around the computer somehow, spruce up this blog and make sure all the pictures work.   I will also be launching an Etsy shop in the near future of some things I am creating.

Thanks to everyone who sticks around to read what I have to say.  I know this year will bring bigger and better things for me and my family and I wish the same for you and yours!

My 40/40 list: Part II

Back in April I posted my 40/40 list: part 1 and I had no idea it was going to take this long to come up with 20 more items.  I wanted to make sure they were realistic goals and give myself enough time to think of things I really wanted in my life.  I finally finished the second half of it and am ready to post it.

21.  Go to the Oregon Coast: Its about an 8 hr drive from here and we almost went this past summer but decided to go to Wallowa Lake instead.
22.  Make my three youngest kids a quilt of their own
23.  Go on a back country trail ride:  Idaho has such beautiful back country, I would like to see it on horseback someday.
24.  Raise some meat chickens:  and process them myself.  This was something I was going to do last year but ran out of time with the busy summer.
25.  Go ice fishing:  My husband takes the kids each year and soon we will all be able to go.  They seem to have a good time and now that the kids are getting older I hope it can be a family event some of the time.

Taylor and her large trout

26.  Float the Boise River

27.  Ride the Zip Idaho zip line:  I remember riding a small zip line as a kid and it was a lot of fun.
28.  Go hunting:  I have no idea what for but I need to put my hunters ed to good use.
29.  Ride a jet boat in Hell's Canyon
30.  Stay at an all inclusive ranch:  It would be nice to go on vacation and not have to do anything.. just relax, ride horses, swim, hike..
31.  Run the Dirty Dash:  I was supposed to do this in 2012, but by the time August rolled around, I was not int he proper shape for it.
32.  Own some kind of livestock: which means......
33.  We will be living at our final destination:  I think we knew all along that this was not going to be our final home, but the stars need to do some major aligning in order for us to get to where we want to be with a little bit of land, where life is a lot slower.
34.  Become completely debt-free aside from the house.
35.  Complete my Idaho Master Naturalist training:  I never became fully certified so beginning in January I am going to pick up the pace with volunteering.
36.  Go cat-fishing: YUM

37.  Volunteer at the Idaho Bird Observatory banding birds

38.  Go to Yellowstone:  Its just too close to not include on here!

39.  Visit Silverwood Theme Park and the Northern Idaho Panhandle

40.  See either a Cirque du Soleil or ice skating performance

So there it is, my odd list of things I want to accomplish in the next 5 years.  I know some of them will happen next year.  I know others won't happen for another couple of years but I will do my best to get these marked off my list!

Busy days of winter

You would think with my not working anymore that I would be posting like crazy.  I don't know if it's writers block, or I am just too busy with life but I have had nothing to write about lately.  Christmas is creeping up on me so quickly, final exams are in a week and a half, and the kids are busy with school programs and basketball tournaments.  We are also trying to squeeze in some of the local holiday festivities.  I have to give our little town some credit, they know how to bring the community together.  It seems every holiday has some great community activities.

I have one project I have been working on.  This last month I have been making child and toddler aprons.  I wanted to have my online shop up and going but I am still working on it.  Last weekend I was a vendor at my first craft show.  It was through the kids school and was very small but it was perfect for me to get my feet wet.  I sold quite a few aprons and made a profit so I think it is something I will expand on.  I really enjoy making them and they are so cute and versatile.  I still have quite a few aprons available if any of you know of a little one that likes to bake, garden, paint, or just play pretend!

Spencer modeling an apron

Taylor's basketball team has made it to the tournament.  They finished off the regular season with 7-3 record. I am really proud of how well she has grown as a player and that she has found something she really loves to do.  We will have about a month off and then it will be time to start a round of AAU basketball.  She is really excited to be playing AAU.  It will be a bit more competitive than the inter valley league she has been playing. 

Taylor has had a pretty exciting year overall.  She turned 12 this year which meant she could now go hunting.  She and her dad spent a couple of weekends searching for her trophy deer and she came home successful.. She shot a really nice buck and had a great experience with her dad.  I am sure it was something she will never forget.  It's also nice having some game meat in the freezer.  I have learned that I prefer meat that has been shot or caught rather than bought by far.  I have been using my gramma's old cast iron skillet to cook up the deer steaks and they are delicious!  Brent has also been doing a little bird hunting and ice fishing will be upon us before we know it.  There's nothing like a freezer full of deer meat, chukar, and trout!

Taylor's first buck

These next weeks will be busy with baking, basketball, school and Christmas.  I will be so happy to have a month off before I have to start back at school.  I learned that I need a few more classes in order to graduate so I will have to push graduation out another semester.  I am pretty bummed-out about that but I have come too far to just quit.  I really wanted to graduate in the spring but it wasn't meant to be.  I will just keep on trucking until I get that diploma.

I have some planned culinary adventures that I hope to report on.  I am a lot more comfortable in the kitchen than I was when I began this blog but I still feel I have so far to go.  We are trying to eat more locally and conscientious as we were before since we have slipped a bit with that.  It really is a transition and with rising food costs and financial road-blocks, it doesn't make it any easier.  Having a flock of chickens that aren't laying due to fewer  daylight hours and their untimely molting doesn't help matters either.

I'd like to give the blog a face-lift and do some regular posting this coming new year.  I know I could make it more interesting than it has been this past year and that will be my resolution.  I love to write and this is a great outlet for it.  In case I don't make it back before the holidays, then I wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas and I appreciate you all taking the time to read my thoughts.

My table at the craft fair

Changes... and my first 40/40 triumph!

I am almost finished compiling my 40/40 list and only have to think of five more things to add to it.  I am proud to say however, that I have marked off the first item on the list!! After long discussions with my husband, many sleepless nights, and plenty of number crunching. I decided it was time to leave Wal-Mart.  I am still in a shock and it feels a little bit surreal since it has only been a week, but I am 100% certain it was the right thing to do.

I have been thinking about this for a long time, but it wasn't until my mom passed away that I realized how fragile life was and how important it is to spend time with those that are the most important to you.  It is unfortunate that it took a tragedy such as this to make me  realize how much I have been missing out on and  that this was not the sort of life I wanted to be living.

My Grandmother secured this job for me when I was 16 and in need of a driver's license.  Since I was not allowed to drive until I got a job, this was a good fit.  It was a family affair with my grandmother and aunt working in the same store.  I knew a lot of people there and my best friend Shelly worked with me as well.  I made relationships that have stuck with me throughout my life and I would be lying if I said there weren't some good times at store #667 in Tullahoma, TN.

Working for Wal-Mart provided quite a bit of flexibility as I moved to three different states and five separate stores, bore five children and returned to school.  I managed to work there for 18.5 years. Through the years, Wal-Mart's store policy has become stricter with scheduling and criteria for part-time vs. full time associates which affected things like insurance, vacation, and personal flexibility.

Ever since my first child was born 12 years ago, I have missed many of the extra-curricular activities they have participated in not to mention the things they were unable to do because of my work schedule.  This includes school activities, sports, theater productions, and community and family events.  At this point in time it means I would miss my daughters first year playing on the "A" team for middle school basketball.  This is something she is very excited about and devoted to and it would be terrible if I couldn't be there to support her.

Since I would leave for work as soon as my husband would get home, the kids were used to being in a single-parent environment most of the time and it has caused conflict with parenting styles and it was hard for us to collaborate on discipline and chores.  Together, my husband and I make a pretty good team, but it was hard to execute when we were rarely home at the same time.  That one hour before I would leave for work was extremely hectic and stressful for me, my husband and the kids.

On top of the emotional toll it took on my family life, I was physically beginning to feel the effects of working in that environment.  My body hurts in ways I don't understand. I have foot pain that is directly related to working on the concrete floors, and would suffer minor carpel tunnel from time to time.  At only 34 years old, I hobble around like someone much older despite being in better shape than I have been in during the last decade.

It was a hard decision to come to, and we weighed all the pros and cons but when it came down to it, this was the best decision for our family.  It was breaking my heart to miss so much and to see my kids grow up knowing I was missing so much of it.  Hopefully I am not too late and we can enjoy being a family and doing things together because that is what matters the most.  Even though this decision will provide us with many challenges, it will make life much more rewarding.

Easy Turtles

I have never been very creative, in the kitchen or otherwise.  In the craft department I am usually able to duplicate something, or if it has a pattern, like cross stitching or sewing, it's a piece of cake.  In the kitchen, I am golden (usually) if I have a recipe.  Before my mom passed away I would frequently send her emails asking for certain recipes that she used to make and techniques she used to make something.  Just a couple of weeks ago, in fact, my sister called me asking "how did mom make fried okra?".  I had no clue.  Since leaving the south nearly 13 years ago, my taste buds have not been anywhere near okra as I don't think too many people out this way eat it any other way than pickled.  She used to cook it just right.  It wasn't battered like you find in the store, it was breaded, and she would cook it until it was crunchy and to most people it would appear burnt, but it was so delicious.

Now, my mom loved sweets.  But for her it wasn't just any sweets.  She had her favorites, and she was really good at making things that other people loved and she hated.  For instance, as long as I lived in her house, I got a made from scratch carrot cake for my birthday.  It was fantastic, but there was no way you would ever catch her eating any of it.  What did she like?  Well one of the things that stands out to me is a turtle.  I too love turtles.  My dad would get her a whole box of them at Christmas, just for her.

Last week I bought some caramels with the intent of making some caramel apples with the kids.  The other night I was craving something sweet, since my diet is on hold until my will power decides to return.  I grabbed a caramel, and two pecan halves and popped it in the microwave to melt it a little and what came next was pure genius.  I thought, hmm, this is so good.  All it needs is some chocolate and voila! It's a turtle.

Tonight I grabbed my daughter to lend me a hand and here is what went down.  This is so simple, and to most probably common sense, but honestly my brain just doesn't usually function this way.

1.  Grab a bag of Kraft caramels and a few kids to start unwrapping them into a bowl.

2.  Take some pecan halves, 2 halves for each caramel, and stick one on each side of a caramel pressing gently so they stick.

3.  Place entire plate of caramels into microwave and zap them for about 30 second and test.  It took 50 seconds for ours to be soft enough.  When they come out of the microwave, immediately squish each one together so they stay stuck.  You want them to be soft, but not melted.

4. Place squished candies into the freezer while you melt the chocolate.

5. Choose a chocolate.  I had some semi sweet bakers chocolate which would have been perfect for me, but I added 3 cubes of chocolate flavored almond bark to a whole bar of bakers chocolate to sweeten it up a little.  Any chocolate that will harden when at room temperature will be fine.  Melt the chocolate in the microwave using 30 second intervals and stirring between each until its smooth.

6.  Remove the candies from the freezer and get ready to dunk!  Using a fork, drop each one into the chocolate and roll it around until fully covered and then place it on wax paper to dry.

7.  Try not to lick the entire bowl of chocolate clean, and eat all the caramels in one sitting.

8. Let the candies cool until the chocolate hardens. 

There ya go.  It's not rocket science but it is good! In honor of my mom and her love of the nutty, caramel-y  chocolaty goodness, ENJOY!

P is for....

Pears, Potatoes, Peppers and Pesto!  I have been wrangling with tons of all of this for weeks now and I cannot wait until the harvest is over.  This may happen sooner than I thought.  Today the high was only in the 60's and we are expecting our first possible frost tonight.

The store I work for ordered too many pears and decided to sell them at rock bottom price and I picked up 72 pounds of ripe Bartlett pears for a little over $7.  For three days, I turned them into canned pear slices and pear sauce.  In the end I had 18 quarts of sliced pears, and 5 pints of pear sauce.  I didn't do the math, but I am pretty sure I came out ahead!  By the last box, I was so tired of cutting and peeling pears that I threw the rest out to the chickens.  They seemed to enjoy it.

sliced pears

For the last three years, I have been buying large sacks of potatoes locally from some guys in a neighboring town.  It seems like a good price as I get 30 lbs for $5.  Right now I can get a 10 lb. bag at the store for $1, but these potatoes surpass them in quality.  They are HUGE! with very little blemishes and most still are caked with dirt they are so fresh.  Did you know when you buy a sack of potatoes from the grocery store, they are usually from the harvest the year  before?

Peppers! Where do I begin?  I do know that next year I am only planing ONE jalapeno plant.  I threw out so many peppers because I didn't get them in the freezer or eaten in time and my chickens hate peppers.  My bell pepper plants produced pretty well but they will definitely need more support next time as I lost several to broken branches.  My orange ones are just now turning.  I hope they can hang on a few more days through the frost.  As for the chilies, I looked online and learned to string them up to dry.  I will know in a few weeks if that was successful, but they do look pretty hanging in my kitchen!

ripe chilies hanging to dry

orange bell peppers

Pesto.. so delicious in its garlicky flavor.  In the middle of summer when my lettuce was all finished, I decided to throw down some basil seeds.  Those seeds really thrived in our summer heat!  I finally got around to turning some of it into pesto but it didn't make a dent in the crop.  If my plants survive the night I plan on finishing them off tomorrow.  Pesto has to be frozen and not canned unless you have a pressure canner in which I do not.  These plants are nearly 2.5 feet tall and I probably wont get to a fraction of what is on there but I am sure I will appreciate it in the dead of winter.

Basil

Wallowa Lake Vacation

A few weeks ago we finished our summer off with a family vacation.  This happened to be the first real family vacation we have ever really taken aside from visiting family members.  Of course the kids always think visiting family is a vacation, but this was the first get-away we have taken in about 8 years.

We began planning this vacation around January.  It was difficult deciding where to go but in the end we decided to get away, but not too far, and stay in a vacation home near Joseph, Oregon by Wallowa Lake.  I have firmly decided that the Pacific Northwest is the most beautiful part of the country that I have seen so far.  After we left the high desert and entered Oregon, I knew it was going to be a nice weekend.

We were greeted by some locals.  These deer were so tame (and very scruffy), the kids were able to pet them and we were able to recognize most of the group by the time we left.  They hung around our place the whole four days.  I'm sure the kids will always remember that.

The weather was fantastic.  We were able to leave the smoke that is engulfing most of Idaho and enjoyed clear, cool skies.  We took a tram to the top of a summit and it was very steep.  It was well worth the view that greeted us at the top though.  It was totally breathtaking.  The chipmunks at the top were very tame also.  It was reminiscent of when I was young in California and we would go to the coast and feed the chipmunks and squirrels there. The kids fed them and we took a small walk around to a few lookouts.

One of the highlights of the trip for me was watching these Kokanee salmon spawning in the creek.  The colors were so brilliant and some of them were just huge!

spawning Kokanee

One of the highlights of the trip was the 1-hour horseback ride I took with the kids.  Someday I will get Brent on a horse!  I was worried it would be a very un-exciting ride through the woods.  I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be a nice 1,000 ft elevation gain through the forest with some beautiful lookouts of Wallowa Lake.  It was the first time the kids had been on a long horseback ride, but I think they really loved it and it was probably the highlight of their trip.

Taylor, Bridget and Natalie

Cowboy Gavin

The night before we left we were sitting in the cabin when what looked like a large bird flew over our heads. This little guy had probably been hanging out in our cabin all weekend.  It was fun catching him and putting it back outside.

Overall it was a good trip.  We had  a little bit of drama, but the fun outweighed it.   I learned a valuable lesson though.  Never feed your preschooler more than one junk food-filled meal in one day, especially when they are not used to eating that way.  Cleaning up hot dog bits off your other child in the middle of the night is not a lot of fun.

Oh, yeah. I did it. I puked on my brother!

Summers end

It seems like this summer just flew right by.  I suppose having to travel to Tennessee plus having hobbies to keep me busy helped spur it right along.  The garden did 100 times better than I ever imagined it would.  It has totally served every purpose I wanted it to and then some.  My original intent for the garden, was to provide enough green beans to last us all summer and winter in the form of frozen and dilly beans, provide fresh home grown tomatoes, zucchini and squash to eat, and to try to grow a few new things. The amazing thing is that everything I planted, actually produced.  I am pretty proud of myself considering I have never grown anything in my life.

As the summer is winding down, I will be getting back into the groove of things.  I finally made it back to the gym.  I managed to pack on about 8 lbs that I had previously lost since I hadn't seen the gym all summer and only tracked my food sporadically.  It felt really good to get back in to the gym and back to a routine.  Also this coming week, I return to school.. again.  I took last semester off and am back at it with only two classes left.  Unfortunately I cannot take the classes simultaneously so my projected graduation date is Spring of 2013.  I cannot wait to be done with this.

This year all four older kids are in the same school.  I realized after sending them off that first day that this is the first time in about 10 years that I have only had one kid at home.  It is a strange feeling and I can't get over how quiet the house is during the day when they are gone.  That silence disappears quickly though as soon as they walk through the door.

Ever since my mom passed away, I have been trying to reflect on a lot of things.  It's been a difficult few months and some days it is still surreal and I can't believe she is gone.  I honestly think the more time goes by the harder it gets.  I have had plenty of bad dreams and still can visualize her with the panic in her eyes as she was telling me she was not doing ok that day I was there.  It has helped me reflect on my role as a mother and I have been trying to change the way I parent my children.  I appreciate my role more now than ever before, but it also makes that role very hard.  This was definitely an eye opening experience, and I know it will take a while to heal.

We are still budgeting but we changed from Pear Budget, to using Dave Ramsey's budgeting tool and his Total Money Makeover book.  I have had the book for years and tried abiding by it before but quit shortly after starting it.  Today, we don't have much debt and have a pretty decent income.  It allows us to do things we have not been able to do previously, such as go on a family vacation, purchase things for hobbies and fund expenses ahead of time.  However we feel we must stay on a strict budget or else we will find ourselves in the pitfalls of major debt.

I am still working on the rest of my 40/40 list.  I have about 9 more items to add to it before I can publish it.  I never thought it would be so hard to think of things, but I want to make sure the things I list are realistic.  Hopefully I will have lots of new exciting content over the next few months.  I have lots of content ready and pictures archived, I just need the discipline to get them posted.  Thanks to all my readers who have stuck by my side, not deleting me from their blog roll, and checked in from time to time.  I'm glad to know the little following I have is loyal.

Waging the war on aphids

While I was in Tennessee, my husband informed me little green bugs had taken over my garden, specifically the pepper plants. When I came home I found them literally covering the plants. The icky little pests were all over them.

Since I am trying to keep my garden as organic as possible I didn't run for the first bottle of pesticide on my garage shelf.  Instead I went to my local garden store and bought a container of ladybugs.  There wasn't a count on the container, but there were easily several hundreds of ladybugs in that box.  It is a total leap of faith to spend $12 on insects that you are going to release outside into the open not knowing if they will stick around or not.

After we released them on the plants in the evening after I watered per the instructions on the container, the whole family watched them settle down and start feasting on the aphids.  We brought out a magnifying glass and peeked into their microscopic world in amazement.  

The next day many of the lady bugs had stuck around.  All I could do now was sit and wait and see if the aphid population diminished.  On the third day it seemed almost all the ladybugs were gone.  I was a little upset, I thought for sure some would stick around to feast.  Then we noticed these little yellow eggs on the underside of the leaves and I went to check out on the web what it might be.   Sure enough these eggs were ladybug eggs!  

source unknown from the web

After a few days we began to see these strange spiky creatures all over the plants.  I soon learned that they were immature ladybugs and also strictly carnivores.  Hopefully they would do some damage to the pests on my pepper plants.

After about 2 weeks, the amount of aphids were still pretty significant despite seeing several generations of ladybugs born right under our noses.  The peppers were putting off quite a bit of fruit even though the pests were still around.  My next step was to search for a natural insect killer that I could use.  I found this recipe in a forum somewhere and decided to try it.

- 1/3 cup rubbing alcohol

- 1/3 cup of water

- 1/3 cup of ammonia

- 3 drops of dawn dish washing soap

I put this concoction into a bottle and my husband sprayed it on after the sun went down in order not to burn the plants.  I was worried about the ladybugs being harmed but I wouldn't know until I tried it.  Two days after the application of spray, another hatching of ladybugs occurred and I was happy that they weren't depleted.  The next day it was obvious that either the ladybugs or the spray had worked.  The aphids were almost all gone.  

The peppers are really taking off now.  Both plants are covered in peppers and have many flowers.  I have no real way of knowing whether it was the spray or the ladybugs that worked against these nasty aphids, but I do know that next year I won't hesitate in buying the ladybugs again should another infestation occur.  It was a fun learning experience and the ladybugs are a welcome visitor in my garden.  

Garden Progress

Beds 1&2- 5 tomato varieties, zucchini, crookneck squash, cucumbers, green beans, and jalapenos

Beds 3&4- butter crunch lettuce, basil, scallions, carrots, bell peppers, more green beans

Bell Pepper

First ripe sungold cherry tomato

 Beef Steak tomatoes

Green beans

Cucumbers

Aphid infested jalapenos

Basil

Scallions

Buttercrunch lettuce

Aside from the aphid infestation on the peppers and carrots, and a small bout of squash beetles on the zucchini and squash, everything is coming along nicely.

Life, Death and the Pursuit of Happiness

At the end of May, I had no idea that the next month would mark the largest roller coaster of my life.  I received a phone call telling me that my mother was sick.  Tests would be done, and results were being waited on. The next week we found out she had Lung Cancer. I called to talk to her because it had been a couple weeks since we talked.  In fact, I think Mothers Day was the last time I had talked to her.  All the kids wanted to talk to her and they chatted and laughed, each of them told them they loved her.  At the end of the conversation she was winded and had to go put her oxygen on.  This was the last conversation I had with my mom.

A week later, My dad called and let me know she was being taken to the local hospital.  She needed more care than she could get at home.  After a few days at that hospital, it became evident that she was very, very sick.  She was resisting all the doctors in Tullahoma and many other things began spiraling downward.  She was taken by helicopter to a hospital in Nashville and my dad wanted me to come home.  On June 12th, I flew back to Tennessee to be with my dad, sister, and brother as we sat with  my mom at the hospital.

It was so hard to see her all strapped to the bed with tubes and IV's stuck all in her and her being so sedated that she would only rouse every once in a while.  We kept vigil by her side, taking shifts, waiting for more news from the many doctors hoping she would pull through this.  There was one glimmer of hope. On June 13 th, the doctors wanted to attempt to take her off the ventilator to see if she could handle it.  The sedation was cranked down and within minutes, my mom was there.  Only my brother and I were there when they did this, and I am ever so thankful that this day I was there.  She smiled, squeezed my hand, and laughed at a joke my brother and I shared (although she couldn't laugh, her eyes were smiling).  It was truly a gift that I was there for this event.  After 20 minutes, she had a coughing fit and then a panic attack.  I told her she was ok and she shook her head telling me that no, she was not ok.  The sedation was cranked back up and she was gone into that space between awareness and sleep.

The next few days brought nothing but bad news and then, the worst news.  On Friday the doctors revealed that the cancer had spread in her body.  She was too weak for treatment, cancer or other wise.  She was too weak to live off the ventilator.  On Monday, there would be a meeting and decisions would have to be made.  This was the most surreal moment of my life.  I was scheduled to go back to Idaho on Sunday.  I would miss the meeting.  I left the hospital on Saturday knowing it was going to be the last time I saw my mom alive.

I went home on Sunday and spent time with my kids.  Waiting for the call.  The decision was made, it was out of our hands now.  On June 19th, 2012 my mom passed away.  She fought til the end, but it was just too late.  She was just too sick.  Another plane ticket was bought and this time I had to go help plan a funeral.

I have been fighting with so many emotions through all of this.  I have been angry, sad, depressed.  All the normal emotions.  Even today I have a hard time believing that she is really gone.

The funeral was exceptional.  My brother, sister and I really pulled together to plan the best service for her.  She deserved the best.  The amount of people that showed up really symbolized how truly loved she was.

I am happy she is not suffering anymore.  I am happy that she didn't suffer for long.  I wish I could have seen her again the way she was, the way I remember her.  A year ago almost to the day she and my dad had come to Idaho to visit me and my family.  I am glad the kids were able to remember a happy time with them.  They have lots of great memories of the horses and visiting Tennessee and I hope this is they way they remember their gramma.

Now that I am home, and I am trying to regain some normalcy in my life, I have began to appreciate so many things.  I have an awesome family.  We really pulled together.   We shared stories and memories and laughs. I realize how lucky I am to have such a great brother and sister.  My dad is pretty amazing.  I can only imagine how hard it is to lose the person you spent nearly 43 years with.  Since the funeral, we have been keeping in touch a lot via text, and email.  It's something we should have been doing for ages but I am grateful that we are doing it now.

Iv'e begun thinking about my future and my life.  Life is really precious and we have no control over when it will be snatched away from us.  We need to cherish our loved ones, and keep family close.  I have a pretty awesome husband.  He held the fort down here with all 5 kids by himself while I was gone for almost 2 weeks.  It was tough I am sure, but he came out alive.  It was a wonderful sacrifice he made for me so I could be with my mom and family.

My heart is still very heavy, and I really miss my mom.  I used to call and chat with her when she was working just to see what was going on, just to chat.  I don't have that anymore.   I feel life is so unfair, she was far too young and far to wonderful to be taken so soon.  The world lost a great compassionate, caring woman that day.  I have a long road ahead of me and I don't suspect it will ever be easy, but I hope it allows me to appreciate my life a bit more.

life interrupted

It seems I have slipped a bit again.  So much has happened since my last post and I don't really know where to begin.  On May 12th, Taylor and I ran in the Race for the Cure-Boise.  It was a gorgeous day and I felt really good.  I beat my first race time by 2 minutes and of course Taylor was waiting for me at the finish line again.  She is a speedy little thing.  It was a lot of fun and I look forward to my next one which is probably in August.

Boise Race for the Cure 2012

My friend is a nutritionist and I decided to work with her and try and get my nutrition on track and I am so glad I did.  I also took progress pictures for the first time since last September and all I can say is I was so shocked at how much my body has changed for the better since then.  I attribute it to beginning weight lifting.  Even though the scale hadn't moved much at all, I have definitely lost a lot of inches.  The first week of working on my nutrition I lost 5 pounds.  Its a 30 day program intended to help me become a "cleaner" eater and eliminate added sugar and processed foods.  It has been challenging and I will have to incorporate a lot of this for the rest of my life but I am happy with it so far.  I am officially coffee-free and have been drinking green tea instead.   For anyone that knows me... this is HUGE! I can't wait til the end of the 30 days so I can compare it again.

My garden is doing wonderful!!  I have four types of tomatoes, jalapenos, bell peppers, cucumbers, Lemon cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, summer squash, lettuce, scallions, spinach, wax beans, green beans and carrots all growing now.  I have room for two more cucumber plants and then they will all be full.

My first radish

The radishes I have picked since this are a bit bigger and the plants in the beds are a lot bigger now.

Mother's day this year was great.  My husband (and children of course) thought of the perfect gift.  When we bought this house, the front landscaping was a MESS.  There were three huge nasty rose bushes and I wasted no time digging those up immediately and I pulled out all of the myrtle that had taken over.  I uncovered a truckload of river rock and listed it on craigslist for free so it would get hauled away.  The bed has sat empty for over a year now.  On Mother's day I woke up to this beautiful sight-

Mother's day 2012

This wasn't enough to fill the area so the next week I went and bought some more to fill the space.  I am so happy with how it looks.  It is different than most people have around here with their bushes and daylilies.  I wanted lots of color so I have it now.  Now all we need is some mulch and it will be complete.

Summer has officially started and we are going to have a busy one.  My son graduated from kindergarten, my oldest is officially a middle schooler, we have two kids in tee-ball and games or practices 4 of the 5 days a week.  I have decided to cut back on work so I can be more available at home.  It was a hard decision to make but one that was needed and I think it will really help on many levels.  As it was before, I would have missed every single game of theirs and that was just not acceptable.

I am sorry I was neglectful and I hope I have been able to play a little catch-up with this post.  Thanks for visiting!  

Run, Forest, run!

Last year I had signed up for a 5K and was unable to participate in it when I injured my foot. I stayed off my feet for a few months and it began to heal.  When I resumed exercising at the beginning of the year I learned to read my body's cues and when I felt my foot was beginning to hurt I would lay off it and let it rest.  It seems to be working because since getting a real pair of running shoes and resting when needed, I have very little foot pain.

A week ago our little town held a Fun Run, which consisted of a 1K or 5K through town.  The best thing was that it was FREE.  I couldn't pass up the opportunity to do it and my oldest two girls were excited to go too.  Anytime there is a social event where they might see someone they know from school is too good for them to pass up.  Oh the joys of having tweens.  Registration was at 8am, and the race began at 9.  We got up bright and early in order to get there and register.  Because of this, we were registered numbers 1,2 and 3.  We all decided to do the 5K.  I have ran/jogged/waddled 3 miles  before so I knew I could do it.  I had a personal goal of making it under 40 minutes.

The weather was great and when the gun went off at 9, we were off.  I had told the girls not to worry about staying with me.  That they needed to go at their own pace.  I know from past experiences that the first part is hardest for me.  I have a hard time regulating my breathing for the first mile or so and slow down frequently.  I had my Runkeeper app going so I knew my pace the whole time.  Surprisingly my pace was quicker than any I had done before.  Taylor was out of sight by the first mile and Bridget started to lag behind me.

As I neared the end of the race, Taylor was waiting for me and already eating her finish line snack.  Bridget was somewhere behind me.  I ended the race at 42 minutes.  Just barely over my goal.  Taylor said she was finished in 35 minutes.  I think Bridget came in about 5 minutes behind me.  I was very proud of all of us.  It was a good race and it was fun to do it with my girls.  Now I have a new personal record to try and beat.  And this will happen sooner than later.

Post-race with the girls

Next week is the Komen Race for the Cure in Boise and through work, registration is paid for by the company.    I will be doing this one alone though and all I hope for is to beat my last time.  I have three more races lined up for the summer and now that I finished one, I know I can do it again and just improve with time.  I don't care about finishing the fastest, I just like knowing I can finish and not be last.

My own worst enemy

I have been going to the gym now for a good 2 months.  I have lost 5 lbs since January.  Out of context this seems great.. but guys.. its APRIL! Even if I only lost a pound a week, I should be down about 15 lbs.  I have really been struggling with this lately but I can't beat myself up about it.  I am eating the best I have ever eaten.  I finally feel ok with eating very little processed foods.  My daily diet consists mostly of : almonds, eggs, greek yogurt, chicken, tilapia, broccoli, salad, whole grain bread and peanut butter.  I'm learning to like other things like hummus, and chickpeas.  We eat more beans and brown rice.  I bake or pan sear nearly everything and only treat us to a "fried" food occasionally.  Even the kids are adapting.  They are eating fruit, popcorn,  and homemade granola bars for snacks, I hardly buy packaged snacks and stopped buying chips.  I make homemade tortilla chips baked in the oven instead and my oldest LOVES them.  I know its time to get groceries when the refrigerator is getting empty.

After meeting with the personal trainer, I have been trying to incorporate more weights with my exercises but for the last month, the scale hasn't budged.  I began researching and realized that likely my 1400 calorie diet was too LOW.  It seems odd, but I needed to increase how much I was eating in order to jump start my weight loss again.  I am still in trial mode as I only began this a week ago.  Although the scale isn't moving, it hasn't fluctuated up either so this keeps me hopeful.  Like I had said this was really dragging me down.  It is so frustrating to watch your husband literally decrease his food intake and start dropping pounds every day.  I have to keep going to the gym even when I don't feel like it.  I did have my body fat percentage evaluated though and I have lost between 3-5% body fat so that makes me want to keep chugging along also.

Today for example, I was going to skip it.  I was tired, had a headache and just was feeling down.  Right before I went to pick my son up from school, I told myself , "Who am I kidding? Jessica, get off your butt and go to the gym."  So I did.  After picking him up from school, off we went.  While I was warming up on the treadmill, a couple moms from the school showed up and they invited me to come lift with them.  I thought sure.. why not.  She set up a circuit training routine and said we were going to do 4 sets.  When I got off the couch today.. I had no idea this was in store for me.  This was THE hardest workout I have ever done.  I burned more calories in that hour than I ever have before.  It was so hard but I am so glad I got up and went today.  It looks like I now have my own personal trainer and workout partner.  She invited me to join her anytime she was there and gave me her schedule.

I really hope this is what I need.  I realized today that maybe I just wasn't doing enough or pushing myself hard enough and I just need to keep doing it and keep being patient.  In time the weight will come off, for now I am enjoying my victory of defeat over the old me and becoming friends with the new one.

A place of my own!

 Finally! I have something I have wanted for a LONG time.  I have a real garden area.  I have a reputation for not being able to grow things due to my own negligence and frustration and it is often a topic of humor around the home.  I have never successfully grown a vegetable in all the years I have tried and even my flower pots wither away by the end of the season.  I really hope to change things around and actually get something to grow.

Last month we finalized the design of the beds and off I went to Lowes to pick up my lumber.  I managed to successfully pick out un-cracked and un-warped wood and Brent went on and put them together.  Our original 2-bed plan was swapped for 4-4x10 ft beds that stand 9 inches high.  He really did a fantastic job and I am glad we decided to double the amount of space because it doesn't seem like a whole lot of room.  I may be a little over ambitious though with what I intend to grow.

On Friday a HUGE pile of dirt was delivered to the house and most of my Saturday was spent filling up the beds.  I thought I would be extremely sore today but to my surprise, I felt really good when I woke up this morning.  We still have a lot of work before the area looks like we want it to but the most important this was I am now able to plant some things.  Which is exactly what I did this morning.  The back right bed is now holding  seeds for carrots, radishes, scallions, and two varieties of lettuce.  I left about two feet on that bed to plant some more lettuce in a few weeks in order to extend the growing season.

When I was perusing around the net one night, I came across a blog that had introduced a nifty free online program that will help you plan a garden.  This is exactly what this Master Gardener wanna-be needed.  It is called Smart Gardener and tells you pretty much everything you need to know about planning and caring for a garden.  It starts you off with the design, and takes you through seeding, sowing, planing, care and harvest.  it provides information such as climate factors, plant compatibility, pests and control, diseases, how and when to plant and harvest.  It is an amazing tool!  Here is what our garden will potentially look like when it is all planted.

I love that it gives me a weekly to-do list that I can check off as I complete it.  It goes so far as to remind me when I need to water.  I am terribly unorganized and very forgetful.  This little program takes all the guesswork out of my garden.  Now I am just crossing my fingers for some sprouts to show up in about a week.

We decided to omit the potato bins this year and just concentrate on the main beds and getting a compost bin set up.  We are going to take out all the grass around the beds and along the back fence and possibly put some sort of curbing or barrier between the lawn and the garden area.  We still have quite a bit of work to do but I think we will be able to get it done eventually.  

One of reasons we never did this before is because we just couldn't afford it.  I think that is part of the reason why this is so gratifying. Thanks to Pear Budget we have been able to purchase the supplies we needed without having to worry about it cutting into the grocery bill.  Since we have set aside money since January each month for this project and others that we plan on doing throughout the year, it is a huge burden lifted.  Knowing we are going to be growing natural, fresh produce for our family in an affordable and responsible way is so rewarding.  I'm still going to keep my fingers crossed in hopes that something makes it past my black thumb!